Just because instructions are given for how to do something on the Internet, does that mean you should do it?
A couple of weeks back, in preparation for my Wisconsin Dells trip, I trawled the Internet for instructions on juicing pineapples. I wondered if you could somehow juice them without using a juicer. We were going to have pineapple cocktails, and I thought that fresh pineapple juice would taste best.
What distracted me were instructions I found for extracting pineapple juice from the rinds and core of the fruit. Hmm, can you do such a thing?
The Curious Amy part of me was intrigued by this idea. Undeterred by the opinions of family members and work colleagues who thought it was ridiculous to even attempt this (why would you want to do this???), I decided to give it a go. There were a couple of methods that I found.
Some instructions from eHow suggested that you could extract juice by blending the rind and core in a blender with a little water and then straining the pulp.
After dismembering the pineapple, I put the skin and hunks of core into my Kitchen Aid blender and pressed the Puree button. No go. Nothing happened, other than the high-pitched whir of blender blades failing to gain traction with any of the materials.
Not wanting to blow out my blender motor for this stupid pineapple trick, I had to switch to Plan B.
Plan B, based on instructions from LiveStrong, involved steeping the skins to extract the juice. Steps included putting the pineapple skins into a pan, covering them with water, bringing the liquid to a boil, then covering the pan, turning off the heat and letting the skins steep for 24 hours.
It occurred to me that I hadn’t thought to wash the pineapple prior to proceeding with these mad kitchen experiments. Then, I read this on Wikipedia:
The pesticides – organophosphates, organochlorines and hormone disruptors – have potential to affect workers’ health and can contaminate local drinking water supplies.
On the Environmental Working Group‘s list of the Clean 15 produce items, pineapple is ranked #4 for lowest amount of pesticides; though I have to hazard a guess that EWG was mainly referencing the interior fruit and didn’t factor in idiots who try to extract juice from pineapple rinds in this manner.
Stupid pineapple tricks.
I finally moved on to Plan C, extracting the juice from the fruit itself. I never did come across any Internet instructions for juicing pineapple without a juicer (who can trust the Internet, anyway), but I remembered that we did in fact have a juicer on hand; it had only been used once before, when we discovered that it took a hell of a lot of oranges to produce a mealy glass of juice.
A search and rescue operation ensued which required digging out the juicer from under a pile of boxes in the kitchen appliance mausoleum portion of our basement and finding the scattered parts.
After my previous pineapple trials, though, the juicing itself was a breeze. A tropical breeze, in fact.
Stupid Pineapple Tricks, the cocktail
1 1/2 oz. vanilla vodka
1 oz. pineapple juice
1 oz. lemon sour
1 oz. club soda
Combine all ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice, shake vigorously and strain into a chilled martini glass.
NOTES: The vanilla vodka lends a floral, tropical warmth to this drink and adds to the sweetness of the pineapple juice, while the lime juice tempers it. You may wish to adjust the lemon sour and club soda to taste depending on how sweet you like your cocktails.
I didn’t want to buy a full bottle of vanilla vodka before deciding whether I liked this drink so I bought the little mini-bottles instead (each bottle is 1 oz). You can pretend that you’re on an airplane flying to an exotic destination.